This is the home page of Ethan Stanislawski. He does stand up and sketch comedy. He pays the bills with freelance web marketing. He is a good person. input[type=’submit’].minimal, button.minimal { background: #e3e3e3 !important; border: 1px solid #bbb !important; -moz-border-radius: 3px !important; -webkit-border-radius: 3px !important; border-radius: 3px !important; -moz-box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #f6f6f6 !important; -webkit-box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #f6f6f6 !important; box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #f6f6f6 !important; color: #333 !important; font-family: “helvetica neue”, helvetica, arial, sans-serif !important; font-size: 12px !important; font-weight: bold !important; line-height: 1 !important; padding: 8px 0 9px !important; text-align: center !important; text-shadow: 0 1px 0 #fff !important; width: 150px !important; } input[type=’submit’].minimal:hover, button.minimal:hover { background: #d9d9d9 !important; -moz-box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #eaeaea !important; -webkit-box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #eaeaea !important; box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #eaeaea !important; color: #222 !important; cursor: pointer !important; } input[type=’submit’].minimal:active, button.minimal:active { background: #d0d0d0 !important; -moz-box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #e3e3e3 !important; -webkit-box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #e3e3e3 !important; box-shadow: inset 0 0 1px 1px #e3e3e3 !important; color: #000 !important; } Sign up for email newsletter! Email Address Close var fancyboxLoaded; try { var jqueryLoaded=jQuery; jqueryLoaded=true; //Check if a fancybox plugin is already loaded try{ fancyboxLoaded = $.fancybox } catch(err) { fancyboxLoaded=false; } } catch(err) { jqueryLoaded=false; } var head= document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0]; var script= document.createElement('script'); if (!jqueryLoaded) { script.type= 'text/javascript'; script.src= 'http://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/jquery/1.4.4/jquery.min.js'; head.appendChild(script); } if (!fancyboxLoaded) { //Only load the CSS because the asynchronous JS might not load the script in time... //We'll load the script later with jQuery :) var fancystyle= document.createElement('link'); fancystyle.setAttribute("rel", "stylesheet"); fancystyle.setAttribute("type", "text/css"); //TODO: Hey MC guys, you've gotta host this somewhere! fancystyle.setAttribute("href", "http://chimplr.heroku.com/js/fancybox/jquery.fancybox-1.3.4.css"); head.appendChild(fancystyle); } var fnames = new Array();var ftypes = new Array();fnames[0]='EMAIL';ftypes[0]='email';fnames[1]='FNAME';ftypes[1]='text';fnames[2]='LNAME';ftypes[2]='text';var err_style = ''; try{ err_style = mc_custom_error_style; } catch(e){ err_style = 'margin: 1em 0 0 0; padding: 1em 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em; background: FFEEEE none repeat scroll 0% 0%; font-weight: bold; float: left; z-index: 1; width: 80%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial; color: FF0000;'; } var head= document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0]; var style= document.createElement('style'); style.type= 'text/css'; if (style.styleSheet) { style.styleSheet.cssText = '.mce_inline_error {' + err_style + '}'; } else { style.appendChild(document.createTextNode('.mce_inline_error {' + err_style + '}')); } head.appendChild(style); $(document).ready( function($) { //Button below the Tumblr Controls //TODO: Hey MC guys, you've gotta host the image linked below somewhere! var newsletter_link = document.createElement('a'); newsletter_link.setAttribute('href', '#mc_embed_signup'); newsletter_link.setAttribute('id', 'mc-embedded-tumblr-signup'); newsletter_link.setAttribute('style', 'border:none; position:absolute; top:26px;right:3px; z-index:9999;'); var newsletter_image = document.createElement('img'); newsletter_image.setAttribute('src', 'http://chimplr.heroku.com/images/newsletter.png'); newsletter_image.setAttribute('style', 'border:none;'); newsletter_link.appendChild(newsletter_image); //Append Link to body $('body:first').append(newsletter_link); var options = { errorClass: 'mce_inline_error', errorElement: 'div', onkeyup: function(){}, onfocusout:function(){}, onblur:function(){}, invalidHandler: function(form, validator) { setTimeout("$.fancybox.resize();", 50); } }; var mce_validator = $("#mc-embedded-subscribe-form").validate(options); options = { url: 'http://ethanstanislawski.us5.list-manage.com/subscribe/post-json?u=358d3ccc081a8115f28c5d338&id=0b3192cc1e&c=?', type: 'GET', dataType: 'json', contentType: "application/json; charset=utf-8", beforeSubmit: function(){ $('#mce_tmp_error_msg').remove(); $('.datefield','#mc_embed_signup').each( function(){ var txt = 'filled'; var fields = new Array(); var i = 0; $(':text', this).each( function(){ fields[i] = this; i++; }); $(':hidden', this).each( function(){ if ( fields[0].value=='MM' && fields[1].value=='DD' && fields[2].value=='YYYY' ){ this.value = ''; } else if ( fields[0].value=='' && fields[1].value=='' && fields[2].value=='' ){ this.value = ''; } else { this.value = fields[0].value+'/'+fields[1].value+'/'+fields[2].value; } }); }); return mce_validator.form(); }, success: mce_success_cb }; $('#mc-embedded-subscribe-form').ajaxForm(options); }); function mce_success_cb(resp){ $('#mce-success-response').hide(); $('#mce-error-response').hide(); if (resp.result=="success"){ $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show(); $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(resp.msg); $('#mc-embedded-subscribe-form').each(function(){ this.reset(); }); $('#mc-embedded-subscribe').hide(); $('.mc-field-group').hide(); $('#mc-embedded-lightbox-close').show().focus(); } else { var index = -1; var msg; try { var parts = resp.msg.split(' - ',2); if (parts[1]==undefined){ msg = resp.msg; } else { i = parseInt(parts[0]); if (i.toString() == parts[0]){ index = parts[0]; msg = parts[1]; } else { index = -1; msg = resp.msg; } } } catch(e){ index = -1; msg = resp.msg; } try{ if (index== -1){ $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show(); $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg); } else { err_id = 'mce_tmp_error_msg'; html = ' '+msg+''; var input_id = '#mc_embed_signup'; var f = $(input_id); if (ftypes[index]=='address'){ input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]+'-addr1'; f = $(input_id).parent().parent().get(0); } else if (ftypes[index]=='date'){ input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]+'-month'; f = $(input_id).parent().parent().get(0); } else { input_id = '#mce-'+fnames[index]; f = $().parent(input_id).get(0); } if (f){ $(f).append(html); $(input_id).focus(); } else { $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show(); $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg); } } } catch(e){ $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').show(); $('#mce-'+resp.result+'-response').html(msg); } } $.fancybox.resize(); } function initFancybox(){ $("#mc-embedded-tumblr-signup").live('click', function(){ $.fancybox({ 'autoDimensions' : true, 'width' : 'auto', 'height' : 'auto', 'href' : $(this).attr('href'), 'scrolling' : 'no', 'onComplete': function(){ $('#mce-error-response').hide(); $('div.mce_inline_error').hide(); $('#mce-success-response').hide(); $('#mce_tmp_error_msg').remove(); $(':input','#mc-embedded-subscribe-form') .not(':button, :submit, :reset, :hidden') .val('') .removeAttr('checked') .removeAttr('selected'); //focus first input field $("#mc-embedded-subscribe-form:not(.filter) :input:visible:enabled:first").focus(); $('#mc-embedded-subscribe').show(); $('.mc-field-group').show(); $('#mc-embedded-lightbox-close').hide(); } }); return false; }); } //Check wether Fancybox is loaded or not, and if not, load the sucker and initialize it if (!fancyboxLoaded){ //TODO: Hey MC guys, you've gotta host this somewhere! $.getScript("http://chimplr.heroku.com/js/fancybox/jquery.fancybox-1.3.4.pack.js", function(){ initFancybox(); }); } if (fancyboxLoaded) { initFancybox(); } Tumblr (3.0; @ethanstanislawski)http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/<iframe src="//www.tumblr.com/video/ethanstanislawski/53146246979/400" id="tumblr_video_iframe_53146246979" class="tumblr_video_iframe" width="400" height="225" style="display:block;background-color:transparent;overflow:hidden;" allowTransparency="true" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe><br/><br/><p><a href="http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/25316465689/happy-fathers-day" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">ethanstanislawski</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Happy Father’s Day</p></blockquote>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/53146246979http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/53146246979Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:33:59 -0400Patton Oswalt on Joke Theft, Heckling, and Rape Culture: rachaelmason: adamconover: Sometimes by...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/53020353025http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/53020353025Sat, 15 Jun 2013 08:45:16 -0400<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/d9c17993df23d5ee82c7d7e3ad91e18f/tumblr_moabicBZdJ1qafimoo1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Hooray Eli</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52886826384http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52886826384Thu, 13 Jun 2013 15:30:14 -0400<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/501e76b25818423c7435c0a5e4f64af5/tumblr_mo80rmRdav1qzuxbuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I’m still not 100% sure Red Pandas are real and not just something a mad scientist concocted for maximum cuteness.</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52704267279http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52704267279Tue, 11 Jun 2013 08:45:13 -0400red pandaEthan Stanislawski Comedy Fans: Hey guys, if you want to keep up with me and my endeavors in Los...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52623197775http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52623197775Mon, 10 Jun 2013 08:45:12 -0400meshamelessself-promotionemailstand-upcomedylos angeles“Let us be clear at the outset that we will find neither national purpose nor personal...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52312341646http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52312341646Thu, 06 Jun 2013 14:00:07 -0400katherine st asaph: Note on Generationism: blackbeardblog: The belief a ‘generational cohort’ eg...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52306962687http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52306962687Thu, 06 Jun 2013 12:30:08 -0400<iframe width="400" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/riNIjE-J4NQ?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p><a href="http://waaaamorgan.tumblr.com/post/52277344118/sockin-dingers" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">waaaamorgan</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Sockin dingers</p></blockquote> <p>This was such a perfect satire of baseball in the 90s and nobody knew it.</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52296931627http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52296931627Thu, 06 Jun 2013 08:45:17 -0400baseballhorrible secretsmark mcgwirethe simpsons<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/eb73cac381289adcbf63b41d13b27488/tumblr_mnh5rsymZH1qa91v8o1_400.gif"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://thecomedylocal.tumblr.com/post/52107074379" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">thecomedylocal</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>This was always meant to happen</p></blockquote>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52141937716http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52141937716Tue, 04 Jun 2013 11:00:07 -0400I just want to say I am truly grateful to the comedy world in New York City. I was a complete mess...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52075667905http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52075667905Mon, 03 Jun 2013 15:30:22 -0400<iframe width="400" height="299" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/50fi3MW5Spo?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>If you don’t think I’ve listened to this song over 100 times in the past 6 months, you really don’t know me all that well.</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52072462136http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52072462136Mon, 03 Jun 2013 14:45:12 -0400art brutmoving to lalos angelesfeyindie rockShine Theory: Why Powerful Women Make the Greatest Friends: I’d argue that jealousy is more a...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52059133500http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/52059133500Mon, 03 Jun 2013 11:00:13 -0400feminismcareer opportunitiesjealouskelly rowlandnew york magazinebeyonce<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/c363e4b2b9c9eebc66095c163e2973ab/tumblr_mnmyiiwzWP1qzuxbuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Countdown is on (I downloaded an app for it)</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51761522202http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51761522202Thu, 30 May 2013 19:56:41 -0400“You will never be able to identify the moments while you experience them that will shape your...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51720560900http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51720560900Thu, 30 May 2013 08:45:13 -0400stand upcomedything i loveryan singerCameron Esposito: Tell your rape jokes. Expect to be challenged on them.: cameronesposito: Seems...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51649855533http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51649855533Wed, 29 May 2013 12:30:26 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5hxolNL601qb61kpo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://drti.tumblr.com/post/29976983920" target="_blank">drti</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://ohsnapitzabanana.tumblr.com/post/29966071551/amaryllis-stark-heyfunniest-yes-our-daddy" target="_blank">ohsnapitzabanana</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://amaryllis-stark.tumblr.com/post/29965659277/heyfunniest-yes-our-daddy-has-spoken" target="_blank">amaryllis-stark</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a class="tumblr_blog" href="http://heyfunniest.com/post/24944839937" target="_blank">heyfunniest</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/DavidKrap" target="_blank">yes</a></p> </blockquote> <p>OUR DADDY HAS SPOKEN.</p> </blockquote> <p>new tumblr law reblog this every time you see this on you’re dash</p> </blockquote> <p>bless</p> </blockquote>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51488376188http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51488376188Mon, 27 May 2013 14:00:31 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/a39b5745699654daabc4fd5e0f2b8fa7/tumblr_mnes0cOYDt1qz5q5lo1_250.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://cracked.tumblr.com/post/51389701456/and-you-thought-it-was-unpossible-for-2013-to-get" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">cracked</a>:</p> <blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><span>And you thought it was unpossible for 2013 to get any better! </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span>Universal Orlando announced the opening of a replica Springfield, complete with Kang & Kodos ride. <strong>#CrackedClassic</strong></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><strong><a href="http://bit.ly/10VqvDE" target="_blank">From Cromulent to Craptacular: The Top 12 Simpsons Created Words</a></strong></p></blockquote> <p>I’m about to say something that I’m sure has never been said before: I need to find an excuse to visit Orlando.</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51396091550http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51396091550Sun, 26 May 2013 11:45:07 -0400Ryan Gosling Won't Eat His Cereal: I’ve thought this over guys. My crush on Ryan Gosling is...http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51232036057http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51232036057Fri, 24 May 2013 12:30:19 -0400ryan goslingcrushesgaycereal<iframe width="400" height="300" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/BTfFXrVJcNQ?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p><a href="http://megsokay.tumblr.com/post/51224178170/stop-the-presses-sir-christopher-lee-has-a-metal" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">megsokay</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/may/24/christopher-lee-album-heavy-metal" target="_blank">STOP THE PRESSES. SIR CHRISTOPHER LEE HAS A METAL ALBUM ABOUT CHARLEMAGNE AND HAS ANOTHER METAL ALBUM COMING OUT SOON.</a></p> <p>I KNOW I DRANK ALL THE GIN LAST NIGHT IN AN ATTEMPT TO TALK TO HUMAN BEINGS AND NOW I’M HUNGOVER BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?!?!?!?!?</p></blockquote> <p>This. This is amazing.</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51229595089http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51229595089Fri, 24 May 2013 11:45:18 -0400<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/7facdbee6ce837dbdb8bee2b0ae2f52a/tumblr_mn9zubgPUi1qzuxbuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>From now on all my non-alcoholic impulse buys will be domain names.</p>http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51184794309http://www.ethanstanislawski.com/post/51184794309Thu, 23 May 2013 19:56:35 -0400