In twelve years of releasing records I have only twice felt compelled to respond, privately in those cases, and was reasonably set on a similarly benign course until two bells (figuratively speaking) resonated in the heart of the sodden internet. Firstly, obviously satisfied with the ebb and cod-ebb of your piece you tweeted a link to the review. In fine repose you sat, and introduced ‘I suppose the problem is that most touring funk bands had to get sober’. Well, I see you that and raise you ‘I suppose the problem is that Ian Cohen is effectively reviewing an album from ten years ago by a band that no longer exists. His burning nostalgia for a lost teenage love has been replaced by an uncontrollable hatred for her and her new, happy life even though she went to college (Masters in Ancient History, specialising in the early to mid Roman Republic) and grew into those tits like you wouldn’t believe. In fact, he hates her so hard (yet helplessly) that he once applied for a Visa card in her name, badly, in order to somehow affect her credit rating and thus deny her the home she had dreamed about for so many years’.

Secondly, and rather more importantly, I was browsing a forum I occasionally visit today, a one filled with gen-u-ine music fans, the kind who wouldn’t be easily swayed by invective, praise or otherwise, when I came upon the following quote in a discussion of this review -
‘Still looking forward to the album, but some of those lyrics he quotes are pretty shocking. Pitchfork in well written review shocker.’

Influence laid bare, I think. A comment made in good(ish) faith on the basis of two whole quoted lines and several calamitous misinterpretations, which you’ll remember that we covered in an earlier, simple module. The opposite of the truth - a construct on which to hang a glib hypothesis. I can honestly say that, whatever you think of the music, that the lyrics on ‘the plot against common sense’ are the best I’ve written (and yes - in either band) by a factor of FUCK LOADS(*4). And Ian, I don’t address that last sentence to you, I address it to anybody with the good grace and faith to describe themselves as a ‘fan’ in as much as they trust that we love our band and know exactly what we are doing even when it doesn’t tally exactly with their tastes.